Teresa Giudice has gotten used to life without husband Joe during his 41 months in prison. Now that he’s likely going to be deported back to Italy, she’s thinking about when she will miss him the most.

Teresa Giudice settled into being a single mom to daughters Gia, 18, Gabriella, 14, Milania, 13, and Audriana, 10, while husband Joe spent 41 months in prison for bankruptcy fraud. Now the situation will likely be permanent as Joe’s deportation appeal has been denied and he’s likely gong to be sent back to Italy. Teresa herself did a 11 months in prison in 2015 on the same charges before Joe went in, and she still resents him for it. “Teresa has been having mixed feelings when it comes to how she feels about Joe. When he first went away, she vowed to stand by his side no matter what. But as time went on and she adjusted to life without him, the anger set in more, ” a source close to the 46-year-old tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY

“Teresa was furious that Joe’s actions made her miss out on time with her mom before she passed away and resented him for putting her in the position to serve any time in jail. That hostility allowed Teresa to find her own independence and give her the strength to strive as a single mom,” our insider continues. The Real Housewives of New Jersey star’s beloved mom Antonia Gorga passed away on March 3, 2017 at just 66-years-old. Teresa was released from prison on December 23, 2015, giving her just 14 months with her mother before her heartbreaking death from pneumonia.

“But it’s not all black and white, she has been with Joe since they were teens and she definitely still misses him at times. Especially when holidays come around, she feels his absence more so and feels heartbroken for her daughters that they’re missing out on these special occasions with their dad while they’re so young,” our source adds.

Teresa has made it clear that in no way will she uproot her family from New Jersey and move to Italy to be with Joe. But she was still feeling sentimental about the life they once had by posting a throwback Instagram photo on Apr. 18 of Joe and his three eldest daughters as youngsters dying Easter eggs. Since the holiday was only three days away, Teresa wrote, “Joe with the girls decorating eggs, days like this I love having photos,” while remembering the life they once had together as a family unit.