Well I’ll be a corn shucker’s silver dollar pancake! Last week boot scootin’ salad tosser Miranda Lambert went and surprised us all (not really) by throwing some lettuce on a stranger in a steak restaurant. Not that Miranda needs an excuse to toss a salad in public whenever she feels like it, but now we know the real reason why she did it! Miranda was just releasing some pre-wedding jitters. That’s right, Miranda has gone and surprised us all again (not really) by getting secret married to her new boyfriend of a few minutes.
Show of hands if you knew Miranda was dating anyone. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller… Bueller? Me, neither. After her August 2018 breakup from Evan Felker (it appears he was just a little too available, since she dumped him right after his divorce was finalized), Miranda seemed to be laying low, even releasing a country Single Ladies anthem titled I Got My Name Changed Back about quitting the marriage business. Miranda is surely keeping us on our toes, because she just went and did the opposite.
Yesterday on Instagram, 35-year-old Miranda pulled the curtain on the big reveal that she has married a 28-year-old man named Brendan McLoughlin. Brendan is her second husband. Her marriage to Blake Shelton died officially in 2015. And who is this
sucker lucky man who has stolen Miranda’s heart for the time being? He doesn’t seem to fit her usual modus operandi of country musician. No, Brendan is a NYPD officer from Staten Island and one-time part-time model. Here’s a better pic of him:
— NYPD Midtown South (@NYPDMTS) August 19, 2015
But let’s let Brendan describe himself in his own words, through his old Model Mayhem site (via People):
“My style is all american boy/ abercrombie/ sporty but I’m open minded, so feel free to network with me, share your ideas, and organize sessions.”
Miranda’s man is an all-American, open-minded boy. So what’s the catch? Miranda usually like her love affairs with a side of drama. I’m not saying that there’s any dirt to be had, but just offering the fact that Brendan appears to have welcomed a child with a former partner a few months ago, making Miranda an instant step-
monster mother. So there’s THAT.
A source confirms to PEOPLE that McLoughlin recently welcomed a child from a previous relationship. According to multiple comments posted on social media, the baby was born in November of 2018, making McLoughlin the father of a 3-month-old — and Lambert a new stepmom!
And here’s a photo of the couple whose marriage will definitely last forever:
Clearly my brain is fantasy fucked, because I thought that hashtag said #Theon, as in Theon Greyjoy from Game Of Thrones and I perked up a bit thinking there was more to Miranda and her new husband than meets the eye, like they met in Cosplay at Comicon. But no, it really says #The One. And by #The One, I’m pretty sure that really means “one in the middle of about 500 so enjoy your 15 minutes with me, Babe. These country songs aren’t going to write themselves.”